1,0 av 5 stjärnor
0/10 DONT BUY TIK TOK IS FULL OF RUBBISH
Recenserad i Storbritannien den 18 januari 2023
So the tajin journey started off for me with a day out in Manchester, seeing the sights and whatnot. Then me and the group I was with stumbled upon an American food shop, I thought to myself “I wonder if they have tajin here” after seeing all the videos on tiktok about how ‘good’ it is I wanted to buy some. The shop did not have tajin. Anyway we carried on looking in more shops that didn’t sell tajin. Finally I searched, “tajin near me” I was urged to go to a Parisian deli, so we ventured on. Pushing through all of the conditions the earth threw at us, wind, rain, snow, tornadoes and tsunamis. The type of weather that your parents encountered on their walk to school. Anyway when we arrived, we were greeted by a peculiar stomach churning scent. IT WAS CHEESE. This smell has stuck with me, I have nightmares about this smell, but we were here for tajin so we had to push through the nose cancer. The shop didn’t sell tajin. It was at this point where I just said right I’m gonna get it on Amazon. So I pulled out my cellular device in the Parisian cheese brothel and ordered tajin. I was excited but also struck with disappointment that tajin did not touch my taste buds that day, so we went to Wetherspoons to drown the sorrows of being tajin virgins. NEW DAY, I wake up to a message from Amazon, it reads, ‘Arriving today “tajin fruit and snack seasoning (400g)” I ferociously leaped out of bed and ran downstairs in anticipation, the driver was slightly later than expected but when I saw that magical Amazon van pull up I was filled with joy, this was it, Steve the delivery man was strutting towards my house, to the door I ran. Steve didn’t even have chance to ring the bell, the door was already wide open. I snatched the packed off Steve and slammed the door giving Steve a small “cheers mate” before pelting to the kitchen to get a pair of scissors to open my long awaited bottle of Tajin fruit and snack seasoning 400g. I elegantly cut the box open revealing the bottle of Tajin fruit and snack seasoning 400g encased in a plastic wrapping. I tore away the wrapping to reveal the beauty in its purest form, melting my eyes to look at, burning my hands to touch, I had it, I had my Tajin. I cut a range of fruits and put them on a plate, I then very carefully broke the seal on my bottle of Tajin fruit and snack seasoning 400g, then taking some pure tajin in to the palm of my hand and sprinkling it gracefully, in the type of form my fellow chum ‘Salt Bæ’ would. My fruit was primed and ready, coated in Tajin fruit and snack seasoning 400g. I sat at the table, admiring what I had created, it was time. I grasped a piece of Tajin covered fruit, lifted it towards my mouth and placed it on my tongue. I closed my lips and started to process the tasted. This couldn’t be happening, the tajin did not taste good at all, to be quite honest tajin tasted specifically like, *clears throat, out of date baby poop with a hint of stomach acid that had be curdled with milk forming some kind of solid bio product that had rolled around in a field of cow manure so much so to the point the bacteria started an ecosystem, the bacteria grew, many years past the bacteria had evolved into its own poop species, however bad it smelt this species was excepted in society. Anyway the species grew up, through school poop monster struggled academically but always had a passion for lacrosse, becoming one of the best high school lacrosse players in the world, after leaving school he was given the opportunity to meet John Grant Jr, who gave pool monster a lacrosse master class and offered him a place in the Denver Outlaws. After moving to America poop monster started his lacrosse journey playing teams from all over the country, he was having the best time of his life. Years later poop monster met the love of his life, their story was sweet. Poop monster when playing in national championship was stood near the goal when he was looking around him for team mates to pass to his eyes struck a lady in the crowd with the words “poop monster” painted onto her breasts, he paused. Poop monster was dispossessed so he sprinted after the player who took the ball from him and won possession back, poop monster then started what is the most decorated piece of lacrosse in history, famously running through the whole team twice the doing a quadruple backflip after leaping 100 ft in the air, releasing the ball so fast out of his lacrosse mesh cameras couldn’t track the shot, however the oppositions net set on fire and there was a huge cavity in the stadium seating behind the goal, so big it had looked like a meteor had hit it. At the bottom of the crater there was a small white ball, a lady ran in to grab the ball, thousands followed her. The lady got out with the ball and strangely walked onto the field, she returned the ball to Poop monster and said “I think this belongs to you” he looks at here and realises she had “poop monster” written across her chest. It was her, they embraced. Months later they were married, living a happy life, raising children who got to see their dad play lacrosse until the day he retired and was inducted into the lacrosse hall of fame. The after party for this ceremony was wild, beers, vodka, drugs, you name it Poop monster was doing it. He decided to himself he needed a minute so he momentarily left the party and went for a walk, it was at this point poop monster had the idea to go to the Hollywood sign to overlook the Los Angeles skyline and admire his lacrosse career, he sat there for a while, shed a tear or two. At this point poop monster saw a figure in the bushes around him so he went to investigate, when approaching the bush he was shot three times, the first hitting his leg, the second his arm and the third finishing poop monster off in the head. It turns out he was murdered by a 23 year old named Cletus who mistakenly believed poop monster was big foot. It was a shame seeing such a historical icon die at such a young age. As poop monster was actually faeces the Los Angeles police thought it was best that his remains were allowed to seep into the ground and help the environment around it. Years past, poop monsters remains had full decomposed and now all that remained was a very healthy lawn on top on the holly wood sign. One night this lawn was dug up and got thrown in the back of a van which was eventually smuggled into Mexico. This was to start the production of a new spice the owner called “Tajin”, they managed to take dna samples from the grass to grow more poop monsters but they lived their lives in a warehouse before they were murdered and melted to a runny consistency before being mixed with lime juice. This was then frozen and smashed into tiny little flakes we know as Tajin.
After my first bite of the fruit I understood the whole story and how revolting it truly was, I couldn’t live with myself, I had eaten the remains of an all star lacrosse player. He was literally the Lebron James of lacrosse. I never touched the tajin again but I see the influencers on tiktok who happily eat tajin, everyday on all their meals because they are MONSTERS.
For Poop Monster
May you R.est I.n P.oop
4 människor tyckte detta var till hjälp
